Facebook would probably define the relationship I’m developing with myself as “complicated”

This past weekend has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster for me. Looking for Mr. Right in today’s restless society is quite daunting.  I have met men but have an unerring knack of attracting the wrong type. For me the past couple of years has rolled on with the hope of a wonderful relationship blooming in my dreams — and ultimately withering in the face of reality.  However, the men I have met while I’ve been here the last six months have had a common theme. They’ve all been completely unavailable. Either literally – because they’ve had girlfriends or wives, or emotionally – because they just got out of a serious relationship or because they’re just not looking for a special someone at this time. None of these guys have been particularly rude or nasty – they have all, in fact, been very kind and openly honest. They have poured out their hearts and their souls or spoken of their leading ladies in the highest of terms.

For me, my life overall is in a good place. My children, family, friendships and career are a great source of fun and celebration, but at the end of the day I don’t have that one special person who is just there just for me. So at the age of 32, I got a therapist. She has shown me how important it is to revisit the problems of the past to move on from them. So off we plunged into my tormented psyche until we crashed and burned at the bottom.

Now that I am in a much healthier state of mind, I realize that in every past relationship I have attempted,  I try to push “him” away before he could give up of his own accord.  I wasn’t gonna  wait for fate to throw off its happy-ever-after cloak and shout ‘Gotcha!’ like some horrible pantomime villain.  I had to step back and  distinguish between what I need and what I want. (there is nothing wrong with wants, but just make sure that they are lower on your list than the needs) I have prioritized and know which qualities & attributes I will not compromise on, and which ones are up for discussion.   I need a man who is compassionate, responsible, supportive, caring, dedicated, etc.,  he is the person who will be able to adapt to whatever comes ‘our’ way in life.

Don’t get me wrong though, I firmly believe a woman in a man’s world has to be tough as nails.  For this reason, I have developed a hard shell that no one can penetrate. But, I do have a softer side that not many see. Turns out, once I agree to give love a fair shot, I am surprisingly vulnerable.  It might take me until I was 50 to find the right man, and I will probably have smooched more than my share of pond life along the way, but kissing Mr. Right (My Unicorn) will be more than worth the wait.

– love is always one step ahead

April McManus.

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