FACEBOOK TMI

Remember Monopoly? Remember the card that said, “Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go.” Well, I think there should be a facebook jail. As your facebook friends, we should be allowed to revoke your status updating or wall posting privileges for a specific amount of time while you sit in facebook jail. And your other facebook friends should be allowed to see what landed you there. For example:

James Richardson has been sent to facebook jail for three days due to violation of rules #1, #4, and #5.

Here is my list of potential violations. Tell me what you think.

1)    Taking pictures of food.

We get it. It was good. Call someone, tell your waiter how much you enjoyed your meal, or post a review on yelp.

2)    Hashtags in every single status update

I hate this show #nothingontelevision

I’m bored #boredwithmylife

#stopdoingthis

#it’s annoying

3)    Putting your co-workers or company on blast

So you can’t stand your co-worker and you update your status message to tell us. All I’m thinking about is how I would never hire you. While there may be six degrees of separation in the real world, on facebook there is one degree of separation. I probably know your boss, your co-worker, and the next employer that you will send your resume to. By the way, you represent your company, even on facebook.

4)    Badmouthing Your Significant Other

Maybe he/she cheated on you, broke your heart, talked about you, left you, or you just had an argument. You created a status update to vent. Are you guilty of this? Skip directly to number 5. Rule #4 offenders should not be reading this sentence right now. So you won’t know that most of us are soooo happy that we are not in a relationship with someone who lacks the judgment you lack by putting your business out to the world.

5)    Using Facebook As a Diary

There are journals, diaries, and then there is facebook. A lot of people confuse the two. We don’t want to hear that you can’t sleep, that you are writing a thank you card to your Aunt Sara, that your girlfriend cheated on you, or what position you like the best. Some call it oversharing or cries for attention. Other’s call it the quickest way to get defriended or to make us click on the “hide this person’s status updates” button. Unless you are looking for a suggestion for a sleep lab, have a greeting card business that specializes in thank you cards, or are a red light industry worker, buy a journal and make it your new bff. Update your status 722 times a day if you like. Tell it how horrible your beau was. Hell, even tell it what you had for lunch. Just do it in your journal and not on facebook.

6)    Posting personal information on someone’s wall

“I’m sorry you and your wife are getting a divorce.”

“I’m sorry that your mom died.”

 “I heard that you aren’t graduating this year.”

 “Tom said your house is in foreclosure. That sucks.”

All of these are statements that were posted on someone’s wall, instead of in a personal message or email to them. Not everyone wants to learn about a death, divorce, etc. on facebook. Some of us prefer to hear it directly from the individual, not because you posted it on their wall.

7)    Tagging someone in a jacked up picture

If my full body is not in the picture, please don’t tag me. If my face looks like I smelled an old sweat sock, please don’t tag me. If my arm, foot, or my left pinky is in the picture, please don’t tag me. When in doubt, delete the picture or crop me out of it. Thank you.

8)    Taking shirtless pictures and posting them as your profile pic

Are you Idris Elba? Are you Sean Connery circa 1965 or 1990? Are you the Old Spice guy making a commercial? No? Then we don’t want to see you on facebook without your shirt on. Cut it out. And ladies, a profile pic in your bra? Not a good look.

9)    Allowing your pants to sag despite having a belt on

Sorry. I got carried away. I’ll save this topic for another day.

XOXO  

April McManus

 

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Girls Who Go To Strip Clubs

As hard as this may be to believe considering I’m normally dripping with a plethora of wit, charm and creativity, there are times when I have no idea what to write… so I ask my friends. My friends are geniuses, and they come up with gems like “well, remember the other day when we were at a strip club…. but I’ve wondered what other girlfriends think when their significant others going to strip clubs.”

GOLDEN! I’ll write about that.  I don’t know if it’s right or wrong or immoral or if all men with wives will immediately burst into flames as soon as they get behind the velvet ropes. However, I do have opinions.

If you’re wondering my opinion (of course you are) I don’t see an issue. There was a day when I would have sat at home and cried about it, hoping overnight I’d gain some D-Cups, an orange spray tan, clip-in extensions and temporary loss of dignity all so my boyfriend would love me the way he loves them (cue emo tears).However, since then, I’ve been to the strip club with many girls & guys (none of which were my boyfriend). All they want to do is go and laugh and have a good time together and see some boobies while they’re at it. (GUYS – correct me if I’m wrong here) That’s really it. If a guy is expecting to go to a strip club, leave with one of the ladies and snack it up, he’s a) gross b) undesirable c) desperate or d) grossly undesirable and desperate. I don’t think guys have a real interest in strippers aside from the fantasies, and many wouldn’t want it to go past that. (Once again GUYS – correct me if I’m wrong here) Those chicks are expensive, but you know what else they are? They’re also a dime a dozen. You’re not, and you’ve already got him.

That being said, relax. Let him go see some boobs if that’s what he really wants. If he’s wanting a weekly professional lap dance from Trinity, be concerned. But if he’s spending a weekend in Vegas with the guys and they have plans to make a pit stop or two, don’t fret. If you trust him, there should be no issue. If religious or moral values are the problem… that’s between the two of you. I won’t go there.

And boys – listen to her and respect her opinion. Hear her out, hear her reasons, and don’t throw out Jerkface McStupidpants remarks like “it’s not up to you.” Because then you might get slapped. Oh, and remember when you see those girls on stage… that’s somebody’s daughter up there.

 Ladies – more opinions are welcome. Guys – how would you feel if your significant other was completely uncomfortable and unsupportive of you going to a strip club?

THE REWARDS OF VULNERABILITY ARE IMMEASURABLE

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. – C.S Lewis 

I have always struggled with vulnerability. I like being strong; I’ve always had to be strong, and I have associated vulnerability with weakness for as long as I can remember. Of course in everyday life, it would be difficult for people to know this. I am seen as someone who is quite open and outgoing, at least to the extent that my demeanor is not mistaken for being a cold, unapproachable bitch. After all, I’m also seen as someone who is known for being blunt; the quintessential, “what you see is what you get” person.

Perhaps it’s through writing, perhaps it’s through getting older, but ultimately I’ve realized that I’m a really hard person to get to know. And very few people know even the half of it. I’m guarded and I don’t break easily; no matter how close I am to people, I know that most of them are still kept at a distance that is comfortable, a distance that won’t leave me exposed. I do not like to be vulnerable.

If we reveal our authentic selves, there is the great possibility that we will be misunderstood, labeled, or worst of all, rejected. The fear of rejection can be so powerful that some wear it like armor. I like to feel in control of situations, I like to feel that I am always secure and vulnerability gets in the way of that. When you’re vulnerable, your heart is wide open, you put your trust in somebody in the form of giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart.  When you’re vulnerable you leave yourself available to be hurt and people hurt people. So I guess somewhere along the way, whether I realized it or not, I made the decision that vulnerability was not for me. I told myself that to be vulnerable would mean to give up my strength and I did not want to give it up. My construction of strength almost defined me. But the truth is I don’t like to be alone. I don’t want to choose it if I don’t have to.

Recently, I’ve been seeing the error in my thinking. I thought that vulnerability was the weaker position when it comes to love. But I’m realizing that the irony of vulnerability in love and in the pursuit of love is that you actually take the stronger position. When you put your heart on the line, when you give it to somebody and you tell them that it’s theirs to keep or break, when you expose who you are and all you are to somebody – that is one of the truest and best strength that there is. Vulnerability won’t be easy, it might be one of the hardest that I’m ever going to attempt. And it might go horribly wrong – I might get broken or damaged like so many others. But I’m not sure this unspoiled heart of mine is any better off. Loving anything and anyone ultimately comes with hurt and my attempt to not let people get close enough to hurt me has left me with a different kind of pain, a different kind of weakness – the weakness of regret and wonder. I think if I am to be truly strong, I think if any of us are, we have to be willing to expose ourselves and put ourselves through the greatest risk of all – which is love.

And in the words of C.S. Lewis, to love is to be vulnerable

P.S.    A couple of nights ago I opened up & he did not judge me. I will work on showing the rest of the world too a little more of the complexity that is me.

April Lynn McManus

Slow Down – Pause – Stay Calm

So, with this idea of spreading a message of abundance to you this season — not through coupon codes or special holiday deals — I offer you the only gifts I really want to give to any really busy, hard-working family this year.

The gift of hours.

The gift of laughter.

The gift of smiles.

The gift of big hugs.

The gift of sweet, sloppy kisses.

The gift of breathing.

The gift of being understood.

The gift of feeling heard.

The gift of the sun rising.

The gift of the moon shining.

And the gift of simply being able to wake up even if for just one moment and notice all the gifts in front of us — the real ones that you won’t find under the tree this year but the ones that are already filling your heart.  Image