Life & Death With Cancer

When was the last time you stopped and had a conversation with someone just for the sake of having a conversation? We all blame being too busy on not doing this but are we really? Do we not have 10 minutes to sit down and explore someone’s worries? Having a chat can be therapeutic in itself. I know this. A few months ago when I was struggling with the uncertainty of my prognosis and the effect this was going to have on my career I had a long chat with Gary. And it helped. It really did. And every Sunday after Church we sit and talk about our wonderful lives.

image

At 7pm last night Gary called me with his heartbreaking news. His fight with cancer is just about over.

DEEP TRUST – GREAT LOVE

A year ago yesterday, on January 15th, I made a “Welcome 2013” commitment to “surrender, let go of worry, and be willing to feel vulnerable.” I have to tell you that so far…things are going great! I thought it would be really hard. It has actually been more uncomfortable than hard. I have worked on (and will continue to work on) deepening my awareness, observing my surroundings, tempering my reactions, and above all….cultivating deep trust and great love.

It has been remarkable for me to finally see, feel, and experience how much fear and worry has held me back. So many doors have been opened, ideas created, clarity and vision restored, love deepened.

I still have lots of things to work on in this arena. I am not sure if I will ever fully arrive at that place of total surrender and completely worry free. That’s ok with me. Having some worry, when properly channeled into clarity, makes for some pretty awesome goal boards!

With great love and trust,

April

Goodbye 2013 – Hello 2014

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed so never mind
And it’s worse but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for I
‘Cause all this bullshit, it made me strong

So I pick the world up and imma drop it on your damn head, yeah!

Uhhhh!
I know what they don’t wanna tell you
Just hope you’re heaven sent, and you’re hell proof
I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is a stain they can’t wipe off
Uhhh, my word is my pride
But wisdom is bleak and that’s a word from the wise
Served to survive, murdered and bribed
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside

So I could pick the world up and imma drop it on your damn’ head, ha ha yeah!

It hurts but I never show, this pain you’ll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I’ve become, my back’s against the wall
When push comes to shove I just stand up and scream ‘Fuck ’em all! ‘
Man it feels like these walls are closin’ in
This roof is cavin’ in, but it’s time to raise it then
Your days are numbered like pages
And my book of rhymes got them crookin’ boy
This crooked mind of mine got them all shook
And scared to look in my eyes
I stole that damn clock, I took the time
And I came up from behind and pretty much snuck up
Better be careful when you bring my name up
But I swear one way or another I’m a make these damn haters believe it

I’m a woman of my word, so your damn heads better nod

My head is swole, my confidence is up
This stage is my pedestal, I’m unstoppable
I could run circles around you so fast your fuckin head’ll spin

I’m Gone!

Happy New Year 2014

XOXO  April