(because he deserves a little bit of public praise once in a while)
I know that being happy can sometimes feel quite temporary and the little joys can easily get lost when you’ve had a bad day at work or been sat in traffic for two hours, so it’s great to remind ourselves of those little quirks that make us happy every now and again.
Without further ado, here are fifty of the things that make me happy (in no particular order).
What bewilders me, and maybe others, is differences between men and women. It seems to me, that most often men’s driving force (conscious or unconcious) is sex but a woman’s driving force is emotional exchange. Women want to receive things like recognition, validation, feeling needed and wanted and of course, to be loved. When do a man’s emotions come into play beyond sexual desire? It has taken me 33 years to recognize that men often do express affection through sex. Further, the closeness they feel after sex presents a great opportunity for conversation that contains the “emotional exchange” so satisfying to women (and to men, too). But women sometimes demand too much emotional talk from men (I’m guilty of this). Women need to recognize that men often express affection best through actions (changing a light bulb, fixing the car) rather than words! Women and men are entirely different species and what each wants is at odds with the needs and desires of the other sex.
FIRST THE COMPLAINTS
There’s nothing more frustrating and painful than to feel a need to communicate with someone I care about and yet not feel welcome to approach him. That is exactly how I felt this morning when i was trying to “text” my feelings. And, we all know my contentment towards texting (see previous blog)!!! I wish he understood how important I feel our conversations are for maintaining and deepening an emotional connection. He seems to think that most conversation has no function unless it’s conveying concise information toward a specific goal (that’s definitely the US Marine in him). He doesn’t seem to understand the part about how paying attention, even to things like chatting about each other’s days, his likes, his story deepens the bonding for me. Sheesh, men need to realize if they dont communicate exactly what’s going on, women will jump to conclusions. It shouldn’t be our fault when the man gets angry about this… Men will never truly understand how much lack of communication hurts us women. I wish I understood what’s going on in his head when he withdraws. It’s so hard to see he’s in pain, to know he’s in pain, and to also know he’d damn near rather eat glass than admit it.
NOW THE GOOD STUFF
Don’t let all those complaints and frustrations mislead you. I like this man, I mean I really really really like him….and I have not kept it a secret by far – I talk about him to my daughters, my family, friends and co-workers. I like the serene and effortlessly sexy way he carries himself when he feels like he is in control i.e. jump starting my car at 4am, arranging his fantasy football league, killing a creepy bug, opening a jar for me, or ordering dinner for us. When he’s in this relaxed state of control, all I can do is melt and admire. Its funny to because he doesn’t understand how very much I need him. It is so in vogue nowadays to act like I am so independent, and have no need of man in my life. But it simply isn’t true. I am lonely without you. I’d also like you to know I’m not presenting a trap when I inquire how you’re feeling, I don’t want to judge or mock, I WANT TO HELP. I want to understand you, and I want you to understand me. Your boyishness…Your sense of humor and play that you have is by far what I like most …and a nice butt doesn’t hurt!
Miss the way your hugs feel, so strong and protective….
Last week I was having lunch with a girl friend and we somehow ended up on the topic of romance and the current dating scene. By the end of lunch, we reached the conclusion that romance is pretty much dead. I was devastated at the thought, but I think we’re right. The main issue is one centered on the women themselves. Many feel exhausted from all the various activities they undertake to look good and to make themselves seem as desirable as possible. In research, this is called self promotion because one is trying to promote herself as being the best option out there. Listening to a group of women who are active daters talk will often reveal the effort that is involved simply in terms of improving physical appearance. Then there is the financial cost of that undertaking – gym memberships, clothing, salon visits, teeth whitening, cosmetics and wonder creams are not cheap. Many women also feel unsure how to ‘be’ when dating – what personality characteristics should they display and hide? Is it ok to have a loud laugh or not? Is it ok to be intelligent, or does playing dumb improve one’s chances? Should they be honest about their profession if it’s one that is high in status, given that it might mean they are too competitive or challenging? Together, trying to put the best foot forward is not an easy undertaking if you are making the effort to find a good mate, especially if you are particularly self-conscious or have been away from the dating scene in a while.
As a single, independent woman, I am at a space now where I am not really interested in just casual sex, I’d rather have something more meaningful. Dating in today’s society, most men are used to women who are okay with just being the “FWB” and not the Wife. But are women really happy or have they just chose to settle for less? I refuse to settle for anything less than what I deserve, and neither should you. What does this all mean? Well, basically, in today’s dating scene, romance has been pushed to the side. Women tend not to display it, and they tell me it’s because the men they are meeting don’t care about romance at all. Men aren’t displaying it because women don’t expect them to – or at least that’s how it seems. For the men reading this blog, I’d advise you to use romance.
One of my main areas of interests is on how women compete amongst each other for mates. I have asked women about their perceptions of the dating market – what they have to do to acquire a good prospect in light of the fact that there are other women out there trying to win the same prize. A comment I routinely hear is that they greatly dislike the dating scene today. There are three main sources of concern – the quality of the mate, the energies they have to undertake to self promote, and the competition they face. Online dating has made relationships more disposable. Why? In opinion commitment is based on the availability of alternatives. Online dating made a lot more people feel they are part of a larger mating pool than they were used to. People tend to be moving from one relationship to the next a lot faster than they seemed to before online dating existed.
Society today praises choice. With regards to commitment, we are urged to be cautious: “Don’t commit yourself!”, “Someone better might be just around the corner!”, “Leave yourself an escape!”. I would suggest that, because of this, some women refrain from dating in a misguided attempt to keep their options open. I think there is good sense in caution, but have we gone too far? Are we encouraged to wait too long?
In the end, the use of the Web to find love should not surprise anyone. Given how technology and communication tools in the past have always been turned to matching people together, there was no reason the Web should be any different.
Welcome to another Coffee Date!
There is something wholly and totally alluring about a person that can make you laugh. Women are often drawn to men that, while on paper may seem completely ineligible, are irresistible because they are genuinely funny. It’s a trait much more valued in the 21st Century than back in the caveman days.
Instinctively females used to want someone of brute strength first, and intelligence second. But nowadays (perhaps because people are increasingly more in need of breaks from everyday stress) humor is extremely valuable. A guy that can make a girl laugh, smile, and feel more carefree is a potential long term, compatible mate.
Humor is just one of the big things guys can offer to make partners happy, But, tickling her funny bone isn’t the only thing attractive to the modern woman. The fact that guys tend to sweat the details less, forgive quicker and forget conflicts faster, all pointing to less complicated emotions, is appealing to many ladies.
This morning I got the chance to laugh with my Ken. This man really knows how to make smile & laugh. What a way to start this lady’s day!