Chivalrous Acts

Congrats!

I’m a modern girl. I’m independent and I’m single. I have built a career from the ground up, read everyone from C.S. Lewis to Suzanne Collins, can navigate social media with relative ease, and watch New Girl every week like it’s my job.

And? I know I can take care of myself. But hey, call me old-fashioned, too. It’s fine. I can appreciate aspects of feminism, but I prefer gender roles. I like when a guy volunteers to kill a massive spider without complaint, or lift a heavy box in my stead.

I find chivalry to be a gorgeous thing. 

Most women I know are a little like that. We love our modern independence in life and in love, but deep down, we want guys to treat us like ladies. As most women will attest, it’s become increasingly rare. Gentlemanly behavior sets our hearts aflutter. We want to see it, and many of us are waiting on it.

Some men make us question why chivalrous acts have died out. However, other men prove that sweetness still exists. I want a guy to court me a bit. In fact, I’m sort of holding out for that. Someone to sweep me off my feet? No, gosh no. Grand gestures are wholly unnecessary. I just want someone I can count on. I just want him to do little things to make me sure he’s the real deal.

Dating today is tough, and we women always seem to have doubts about the guys that roll into our lives. Does he like me? Are his motives genuine? Can I trust him completely? Guessing means you usually can’t, and confusion isn’t a good thing.

Most women would like to erase that. So if he puts in the time and does the little things, it’s like a screening process for us. He’s more likely to be into us as human beings, not hookups. He’s more likely to be Mr. Right when we’re over dealing with all those Mr. Wrongs. That’s why chivalry is as important now as it ever was.

Here’s to all the women who are looking for that chivalrous, good-hearted guy. He’s out there. These are the things he does to make us swoon. (And to all those chivalrous, good-hearted guys, keep doing what you’re doing. We love you for it.)

Here are a few of the cutest ones that would make any girl swoon:

1. Call. It would be nice to receive a phone call instead of text messages. While a text shows you were on his mind, a phone call is more personal. Call, don’t text a date invitation. Just the fact that you would take the time to actually call a woman to ask her out on a date will put you light years ahead of your competition (of which there is a lot).

2. Offer you his jacket. When the weather turns colder, and you have on light clothing, it’s cute when he offers you his jacket. It’s a sweet gesture.

3. Put your hand on the small of her back when introducing her to someone. This is something I read a long time ago and it stuck with me for some reason. This is a passive sign of affection and isn’t inappropriate in a public setting, but it bonds the two of you together and helps her feel more comfortable.

4. Open the door for her. The door to the restaurant, the car door, the door to the car picking you up. Whatever door is relevant to you both walking through, please do not lose sight of this simple but often overlooked act of kindness.

5. Suffering through a girly movie. When a man volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because he knows you’ll enjoy it, he earns major bonus points. (Even more if he does so without complaining or expecting something in return.)

Women in turn should respect the act of chivalry. I know many women out there who do not want the door opened for them because it makes them feel like their power or independence is somehow being taken away from them. They are aggressive and headstrong in society. It may not be because they want to be, but because to make it in the world, they have to be. This is true. However, can you imagine a world where chivalry didn’t exist at all? Would you want your daughter marrying a man that didn’t show her this appreciation for being the amazing, strong, supporting, dynamic woman that she is?

In short, that’s what chivalry is — a choice. The choice to do the right things, for the right reasons, at the right times.

XOXO
April McManus

50 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

I know that being happy can sometimes feel quite temporary and the little joys can easily get lost when you’ve had a bad day at work or been sat in traffic for two hours, so it’s great to remind ourselves of those little quirks that make us happy every now and again.

Without further ado, here are fifty of the things that make me happy (in no particular order).

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XOXO –

April

Move With Confidence

Took me to my first baseball game. September 2014.

Took me to my first baseball game. September 2014.

Dear You,

I’m not sure I’m ready to put this into words but I know if I don’t try I’ll continue regretting not putting into words what needs to be said. So, at least at the end of this, no matter how it ends, I can at least say I tried.

In this past two years with you, I’ve learned a lot. About myself, about relationships, being an adult, about love. I’ve learned that I’m the type of person who loves with her entire being. When I love or care about someone, I let my entire world revolve around them. That’s what I did with you. You came into my life at a time when I wasn’t ready for anyone, let alone you. You came into my life and you weren’t a person–you were this entity that I became enraptured with. Your infectious personality, your incredible way with words, your delectable charm–it all seemed too good to be true. I think what it comes down to is I became involved with you before I was ever ready. I didn’t take the time to figure out what I wanted and what I needed from someone–from you, from our relationship. When we started all of this, you made it very clear you didn’t want a relationship. I thought it was because you were scared or you’d been hurt. I know now it’s because you’re not capable of having a relationship—at least not the kind I want.

I’m going to be honest with you because that’s what people who care about each other do. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time and it’s gone on long enough because honestly, it hurts too much. It’s not fair. I’m holding on because I hope things will change, which is perfectly reasonable, but I can’t change a person. I can’t change you, and I can’t change your situation. I can only change myself and the situations I choose to be a part of. You choose to let this nonsense continue and I’ve tried to understand and ignore it, but I can’t anymore. If you wanted to move on, you could. If you wanted to change the dynamics of your relationship with these other women, you could. I know you well enough by now to know that when you want someone out of your life, that’s it—they’re out. You have had plenty of time to reevaluate your situation and the damage it does to yourself and other people. Why have you done nothing about it? And I don’t mean making profiles private or pursuing secret relationships because that’s childish. I mean taking action and making adult decisions.

I am choosing to stay in this relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and absurdity. I want nothing more than to believe every single word you say about it being crazy and her being crazy and all of that. I want nothing more than to continue telling everyone to fuck off—that they don’t understand our relationship. You know why I stay, but I deserve to treat myself better. At the VERY LEAST, I deserve honesty from you. You like to use the reasoning that because I’m not technically tied to you relationship wise (i.e. being your “girlfriend”) but the fact of the matter is we are in a relationship despite the fact that that is not the term you’d like to use. You’ve made it clear I am not to sleep with anyone else or go on dates—I know you do it in jest but we both know some part of you would feel hurt if YOU found out I was sneaking around behind your back. So, why do it to me?

How many times has something like this happened before? Because you know that although I may speak up, I still won’t do anything about it. Maybe I am, as they put it, just a stupid little girl. I know you have feelings for me, otherwise you wouldn’t even bother with our relationship, but it worries me that this is the way you treat people you care about.

What’s sicker is there are times when we’re together and I think nothing and no one else matters—you have this way of making me feel like I am yours and you’re mine. In the end though, none of that compares to the bigger issue here which is completely unacceptable. The issue being I may have those thoughts but in the end, it’s not true. You and your heart do, whether you see it or not, already belong to someone else.

I just want you to realize what I’m worth. I invite you into my life, my head, my heart, my family, my bed. That is all very special, and not everyone I meet is entitled to those things. I’ve given you everything and in return, you’re not even really mine. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, because you know I care a lot about you. I just don’t think you can ever give me what I want and need. A relationship—no matter what kind—falls apart the minute dishonesty comes into play. It is no longer fair to me to allow dishonesty from you when honesty is expected from me. And I know you will read this and not realize where I’m coming from but I do hope you try. You are the most important person in my life. But, I only have one life, why spend it with someone who doesn’t make me feel like the most important person in their world?

Whether you leave me or I leave you, I am going to miss you—this will be something I never quite get over. I’m going to feel heartbroken—like a failure, someone who just couldn’t make it work despite her best efforts. But if it doesn’t end, I continue looking stupid and foolish because I let this happen. But, life sucks sometimes. The most I can do is embrace the heartache and hold onto my pride which I have slowly been losing with each day I ignore the other major relationships in your life. I hate being alone, but I am 100% content knowing that I will not give myself to anyone undeserving. This is my life and I am the most important person in it and for the past two years, I’ve forgotten that.

I love you. I’ve never cared about anyone as much as I do for you. I would do almost anything for you—anything you ask of me. The memories I get to keep as a result of being with you are some of the best I have. You are a fantastic human being with a light about you that draws people into you—but one thing I cannot do is continue letting you lead me down a path of dishonesty. You don’t see it as dishonesty, I get that, but unfortunately that is what has happened. Whether it’s lying about spending time with multiple girls while you’re gone or lying about the “complicated situation,” or telling them I’m a psycho crazy girl with a big crush, lying is lying and it still hurts the people who care about you.

I’ve fought for you in the only possible way I know how—by being there for you and loving you. But I realize I’m fighting a losing battle. You’re everything to me—and I’m not much to you. She won. I do truly hope you read this and try to see it through my point of view—I don’t understand this situation. And if I get nothing from you now, I never will. I want to—I want to know who she/they is, the part she/they plays in your life, if you’re still sleeping with them — so many questions that, until answered, make me question our involvement with each other.

And the sickest thing, and even I have to admit this, is that at the end of the day, I will let this happen. I will turn the other way. I will let you continue having other relationships and I will continue believing your lies. I can act angry and upset and yell and kick and scream but never will I let you go. I can’t. And that, above all else, makes me the most pathetic person I’ve ever known.

I don’t think you meant to ever hurt me—but you have. When someone you care about is dishonest, it hurts more than anything. I want to believe you—I want you to let me in. I want you to trust me and I want you to recognize that I’m here and willing to listen and understand.

But most of all, I just want you. All of you. And in the end, I can only hope you want me, and only me, too.

DEEP TRUST – GREAT LOVE

A year ago yesterday, on January 15th, I made a “Welcome 2013” commitment to “surrender, let go of worry, and be willing to feel vulnerable.” I have to tell you that so far…things are going great! I thought it would be really hard. It has actually been more uncomfortable than hard. I have worked on (and will continue to work on) deepening my awareness, observing my surroundings, tempering my reactions, and above all….cultivating deep trust and great love.

It has been remarkable for me to finally see, feel, and experience how much fear and worry has held me back. So many doors have been opened, ideas created, clarity and vision restored, love deepened.

I still have lots of things to work on in this arena. I am not sure if I will ever fully arrive at that place of total surrender and completely worry free. That’s ok with me. Having some worry, when properly channeled into clarity, makes for some pretty awesome goal boards!

With great love and trust,

April

Slow Down – Pause – Stay Calm

So, with this idea of spreading a message of abundance to you this season — not through coupon codes or special holiday deals — I offer you the only gifts I really want to give to any really busy, hard-working family this year.

The gift of hours.

The gift of laughter.

The gift of smiles.

The gift of big hugs.

The gift of sweet, sloppy kisses.

The gift of breathing.

The gift of being understood.

The gift of feeling heard.

The gift of the sun rising.

The gift of the moon shining.

And the gift of simply being able to wake up even if for just one moment and notice all the gifts in front of us — the real ones that you won’t find under the tree this year but the ones that are already filling your heart.  Image

Play along to the rhythm of life…

The beauty of the day lies in the hopes that we build in it, the love that surrounds us and the wonderful people who help us get better in life.  Morning is the right time to start with love and kindness. What you start in the morning usually stays with you the entire day. Try to be kind to yourself and think of the variety of blessings that you have received. As you feel better, think of the various ways in which you will be able to help others and be a good person to strangers. A simple hello or a kind smile may change some ones life forever. For many people the smile that you give maybe the only smile that they will receive the entire day.  This morning invest your time in encouraging somebody. Show love to the ones that need it and give to the ones that are needy.

When I get up in the mornings I just realize that each moment of the day has it’s own value/worth. No matter how many mornings pass, I will always be awake with a fresh enthusiasm for life because my children are my motivators. They keep me happy and create more happiness within me.

So, I leave you with this…
Look out of a window and take in the brightness from the sun. Forget the clouds and shadows of doubt and fear.Life awaits you in all its fullness, its another beautiful day.

XOXO

April McManus

An Amazing Beautiful Journey

 It always seems so much easier to hold everything in and try to ignore it. But in reality you never realize how hard it actually was until you let it flow out of you. I’m overflowing. And I’m exhausted. So tonight I grieve my childhood by saying goodbye to her. Like having a funeral without a body. I’ve said my goodbyes to her in my mind I think the next step for me in this process is to do something. A real something to say good bye. Because I owe her so much. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without her fighting so hard to endure.
Grieving for me is more then just walking around crying and wearing black. Its a chance to honor the deceased, remember them, and honor who them were. I exist today because of a child whose spirit had to die inside of a house filled with rage and anger. I wouldn’t be who I am had all those things not happened so I wish to honor who she was. She was smart, funny, loving, trusting, caring, and gentle. She had the ability to love more then she was ever loved herself. She was inquisitive and wanted to know about the world around her. Why was the grass green? Why was the sky blue? She loved asking questions even if they only one she could ask was god. She was independent and wise beyond her years. She was resilient and found ways to smile even when there was nothing to smile about, even when they tried to beat the smile  off of her lips. She lives on inside of me. I love her and want her to be a peace now.  Goodbye little one and thank you for fighting.

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As kids we would day dream…
that our parents were not my real parents. Somehow these people, imposters, had gotten a hold of us and our real family was out there somewhere searching for us. Our real parents were a King and a Queen from a magical land far far away and we were their princesses. We lost each other but we knew that they were still looking for us.  All the little girls they saw must have reminded them of us. So we drew pictures of crowns and the magical land and we taped them to my window because we just knew that they would find us. They would drive down the street and see those pictures and they would know that that’s the house that we were in. They would pull up to our house in a long white limo, and I would run to them and they would take us away. They would take us away from all the anger, hurt, fear and pain that this fake family had shown us.
 Though we knew it wasn’t real, the hope was enough in the moment.  Every night we would pray that our real family would finally knock on the door and bring me out of this house of terror. That they would save us from the pain and let us be a child, and we would run into their arms and forever we would stay. Sometimes I still pray for them to come, sometimes I still need arms to run into. 

It would be quite unfair to live in the shadows of “what could have been.”  This is life moving on. This is us moving down the path we’re on, doing our best to be more grateful for the blessings here and less obsessed with the roads we didn’t take. 

This is acceptance in progress.

April Lynn McManus