What bewilders me, and maybe others, is differences between men and women. It seems to me, that most often men’s driving force (conscious or unconcious) is sex but a woman’s driving force is emotional exchange. Women want to receive things like recognition, validation, feeling needed and wanted and of course, to be loved. When do a man’s emotions come into play beyond sexual desire? It has taken me 33 years to recognize that men often do express affection through sex. Further, the closeness they feel after sex presents a great opportunity for conversation that contains the “emotional exchange” so satisfying to women (and to men, too). But women sometimes demand too much emotional talk from men (I’m guilty of this). Women need to recognize that men often express affection best through actions (changing a light bulb, fixing the car) rather than words! Women and men are entirely different species and what each wants is at odds with the needs and desires of the other sex.
FIRST THE COMPLAINTS
There’s nothing more frustrating and painful than to feel a need to communicate with someone I care about and yet not feel welcome to approach him. That is exactly how I felt this morning when i was trying to “text” my feelings. And, we all know my contentment towards texting (see previous blog)!!! I wish he understood how important I feel our conversations are for maintaining and deepening an emotional connection. He seems to think that most conversation has no function unless it’s conveying concise information toward a specific goal (that’s definitely the US Marine in him). He doesn’t seem to understand the part about how paying attention, even to things like chatting about each other’s days, his likes, his story deepens the bonding for me. Sheesh, men need to realize if they dont communicate exactly what’s going on, women will jump to conclusions. It shouldn’t be our fault when the man gets angry about this… Men will never truly understand how much lack of communication hurts us women. I wish I understood what’s going on in his head when he withdraws. It’s so hard to see he’s in pain, to know he’s in pain, and to also know he’d damn near rather eat glass than admit it.
NOW THE GOOD STUFF
Don’t let all those complaints and frustrations mislead you. I like this man, I mean I really really really like him….and I have not kept it a secret by far – I talk about him to my daughters, my family, friends and co-workers. I like the serene and effortlessly sexy way he carries himself when he feels like he is in control i.e. jump starting my car at 4am, arranging his fantasy football league, killing a creepy bug, opening a jar for me, or ordering dinner for us. When he’s in this relaxed state of control, all I can do is melt and admire. Its funny to because he doesn’t understand how very much I need him. It is so in vogue nowadays to act like I am so independent, and have no need of man in my life. But it simply isn’t true. I am lonely without you. I’d also like you to know I’m not presenting a trap when I inquire how you’re feeling, I don’t want to judge or mock, I WANT TO HELP. I want to understand you, and I want you to understand me. Your boyishness…Your sense of humor and play that you have is by far what I like most …and a nice butt doesn’t hurt!
Miss the way your hugs feel, so strong and protective….